The Deep Dark Fall

Before I start the tale of this part of my life, I want to make it clear that the purpose of this blog is for others to learn from the mistakes in my life. If situations were different, my life could have taken a completely different path.

As I said before, I was raised in church. I knew the rules and laws of God. I think many good Christian parents take their kids to church, read them Bible stories, and tell them to say their prayers. What they don't always take the time to teach them about is how to have a real personal relationship with Jesus.

When I was 14, I was involved in my church's youth group, and I was a good girl. I was however a teenager, and had all of the desires and curiosities that a teen girl has. When I look back I see one event that changed the coarse of my life, that caused me to lose my faith.

One night I was supposed to go to a youth group meeting. A boy that I really liked had asked me out the same night. I knew my parents wouldn't let me go out with a boy, never mind doing it on a school night. So, I had another girl from church tell the youth pastor I was sick, and told my parents I was going to the meeting. I went and met this boy. Naturally, my parents figured it out quickly, when the pastor asked how I was feeling. They were embarrassed, disappointed and quite angry with me. They had every reason to be.

Now most people reading this are thinking... that was wrong, but not the worst thing a teen has ever done. How did this one event change me? This is where parents and any one working with kids, really need to think about my story. This could have been a valuable lesson for me to learn about sin, forgiveness and God's incredible grace and love.

Naturally my father punished me. I expected this. What I didn't expect was the youth pastor decided he needed to punish me as well. Because I committed this horrible sin, I was no longer allowed in youth group, or to take part in any church activity. I was no longer "acceptable" to be around the others. I still was forced to go to church every Sunday with my parents, but I felt like an embarrassment to them. What hurt the most was the feeling that God forgave everyone, but me. I began to feel like I was a joke to God. Unworthy of love. Unworthy of forgiveness. What was the point of following the rules? I started to do whatever I wanted. The rest of my teen years were filled with drugs, skipping school, and running away from home. None of these things felt good. I knew I was wrong. I was filled with deep, dark sorrow. I wanted to be that good girl again, but didn't see any way back to that.

Sadly, many Christians take the attitude that some sins are worse than others, or the amount of time they have been saved gives them a better position in God's eyes. The Bible is very clear on this issue. Once we have been saved and washed in the blood shed by Jesus on the cross, we are equal in his kingdom. If someone had told me this then, I might have been saved years of sadness and sorrow.

...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ Romans 3:23-24